if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
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My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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