Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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