Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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