I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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