Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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