im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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