My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize