my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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