I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
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Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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