How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize