I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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