you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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