we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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