I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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