AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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