guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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