Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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