Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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