it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize