the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Couch. On fire.
I'm both gender and math confused
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