yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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