Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize