Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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