omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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