thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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