Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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