Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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