I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize