remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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