I cockslap morals
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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