We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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