Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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