I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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