I cockslap morals
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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