I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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