Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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