one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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