Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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