Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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