My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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