When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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