you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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