Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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