While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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