I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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