Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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