i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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