My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's shark week go big or go home
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