I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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