that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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